Bugged Out » Haiku

More Bed Bug Haikus!

Bugged Out — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 01:01:00 +0000

I didn’t know what to blog about this week and I had a bit of a creative streak, so I churned out some more bed bug haikus.

***

R wants a task force

But her pleas fall on deaf ears

Bloomberg’s bed bug-free

***

R wants a task force

Can we trust the government?

Ask the Indians

***

A menage a trois!

M, a bug and me

Not very sexy

***

Caitlin’s M.I.A.

Her bed bugs, long time no see

They are just hiding

***

Bed bugs in college?

Students with bites and huge debts?

Stay home; get a job

***

Renee still insists

On City bed bug task force

But pols do nothing

***

Hey, nobugsonme!

Hablo espanol tambien!

Bed bugs just speak bite.

***

For bed bug orgies

Poor Brooklyn is Ground Zero

Thank God I’m in Queens

***

Exterminators

$300 a room

Go out and turn tricks

***

Exterminators

$300 a room

Time to sell cocaine

***

$300

For bed bug control

Where is price control?

***

Let’s get together

Start our own bed bug task force

Cuz’ Council does zilch

***

Bugs on your mattress

Bites all over your body

Which wrist to slash first?

***

Just pick up your phone

Tell 311 bed bug woes

Who promptly do zilch

Feel free to share your own bed bug haikus. Remember, the first line is 5 syllables, the second line is 7 syllables and the third line is 5 syllables! Have fun!

Bed Bug Haikus, Part Two

Bugged Out — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 04:19:00 +0000

I’ve only received seven bed bug haikus thus far and was waiting, waiting, waiting for the tenth so I could post my next barrage of haikus. Then I thought, what the hell, seven is good enough. For those first-time visitors, I wrote ten bed bug-related haikus about a month ago and promised to release my next ten provided that I receive ten bed bug haikus from visitors dropping comments. I’ve decided to ignore my old promise and put up my best eight bed bug haikus anyway.

But before I release my own poetry, I’d like to share with everyone the very amusing and creative bed bug haikus that are too good to not share. Unfortunately, the poster was anonymous and the poems were submitted within several different comments , so I have no way of knowing if these seven haikus were written by one anonymous poster or several. In any case, here they are…

******

Bugs have given me
Obsessive Compulsive Order
Mess harbors vampires

***

Bugs! I have become:
Carpenter, maid, repairman,
Entomologist

***

When I find a bug
I tape it to white paper
My only revenge

***

My cat has become
Both best friend and enemy
Potential bug bus

***

My feet are so cold
But the alternative’s worse
Socks could carry eggs

***

My clothes are in bags
My dignity is missing
Where did my pants go?

***

Red welts on my skin
Either stress hives or bed bugs
I think a mixture

******

and, without further ado, are my ten haikus.

******

Exterminators
$400 a room
My kidney’s for sale

***

Bed Bugs?!? Why me, God?
Oh yeah, I forgot
That thing I did with donkeys

***

Bed bugs in New York
Pay no rent and eat for free!
Freeloading assholes

***

Unwelcome bed bugs
Go back to 1950
Nobody likes you

***

My blood is too sweet
I should cut down on Starbucks
That’s why they bite me

***

Spray here and spray there
Wash your clothes and scratch your legs
I sure miss roaches

***

The next guy who says
“Hey, don’t let the bed bugs bite!”
I will throw rocks at

***

Through pain springs forth art
Bug bites replace my bed frame
Bed bugs are my muse

Enjoy!

Bed Bug Haikus, Part One

Bugged Out — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 21:10:00 +0000

Some of you may not know that I am a writer. In addition to the blogging, I worked for a few years as a reporter and editor. I’ve done some unpublished fiction and am currently writing a book. I thought about how art develops through suffering and emotion and loss, three things I’ve encountered since I first saw bed bugs in my room.

Long story short, I sat down and began writing bed bug haikus. For those unfamiliar with the term, haiku is a Japanese form of nonrhyming poetry. The first line contains five syllables, the second line contains seven and the final line contains five. There are a few variations to this rule but 5, 7, and 5 are the standard. Without further ado, I give you ten haikus I wrote in the last hour.

******

My blood is their food

I itch yet they are not there

I miss my mattress

***

“Don’t let bed bugs bite”

Much easier said than done

Bring back DDT

***

Please, legalize it

DDT, I mean. Not weed

No, wait…yes to both

***

I live with bed bugs

If you can call it living

Ow, my arm itches

***

Are bed bugs a dream

For minimalist people?

Bare rooms confuse bugs

***

Die, Rachel Carson!

Say, now that she’s dead, can we

Bring back DDT?

***

I live with bed bugs

I sleep on an air mattress

You come here often?

***

It’s hard to get laid

With bug bites on your body

They look like herpes

***

Comment on Bugged Out

If you don’t do so tonight

More bed bugs will bite

***

My bedroom is bare

These bed bugs are everywhere

Do you even care?

***

After I wrote these I thought, why should I have all the fun? If these goofy haikus inspired you in any way to write your own bed bug-related haiku, please do so in lieu of a comment on this post. If you have writer’s block, just remember your little buddies waiting at home for you to come back to bed! Remember the pain and suffering! The itching! The humiliation! The stigma! Oh, the humanity!

I’ve actually written ten more, but you won’t see them until I see at least ten haikus from my dear, dear readers. They must be bed bug-related. If you need any more inspiration, peruse the many many posts here on Bugged Out.

Note: Non-haiku poetry also accepted.